Hannah spent the next couple of weeks keeping a low profile
at work. She did not see or hear from Anthony again and was grateful for it
because her painful disappointment would only hang over her head. She stuck to her go to state of existence
which was solitude. She stayed in and worked on her various projects and only
ventured out when she needed to do some marketing and replenish her art
supplies. She had been tempted to go to
the Camden but chastised herself into admitting she was hoping to run into
Anthony there. She needed to drop the idea of chance encounters and forget the
whole concept of him. It was hard as the
image of that sad look he had given her the last time she saw him was burned
into her memory. He looked so defeated and sad. There had seemed a real
sincerity in it.
He had not answered the message she left at the Coventry
Agency. Hannah wondered if his
unresponsiveness was a result of being embarrassed that she found out what he
did for a living or whether he realized that whatever game he was playing with
her was done and he was exposed. Hannah realized it was not realistic to think
that there was anything wholesome about his interest in her. That is, if she
was not overstating their interactions and turning them into something they
were not. It was really better to put it all behind her and forget the whole
goddamned thing. It was not easy though,
she had moments where she wished. She wished.
One Sunday afternoon, she had decided to go to a bead store
on Oxford Street to cheer herself up.
She walked down to the tube station and caught the first
train that came along. She was thirty
seconds into her ride when she glanced up from her phone and saw Anthony at the
other end of the car. Fuck. There were 10 million people in London…why did she
have to keep running into him? He was involved in his own phone and did not see
her. He must have been off the clock as he was wearing jeans and his face was lightly
stubbled. Hannah obscured herself behind
a tall guy standing next to her but kept Anthony in her sights in a reflection
in the train window. If all she was
allowed was a good stare than she would take it. He was gorgeous. The more she
looked at him the more the singularly creepy thought passed through her head of
wanting to take his photograph. She glanced around and saw that no one was
paying her any attention. Anthony off his phone now and was staring vacuously
in her direction. She put her phone down
and snapped it quickly without stepping from around the man standing next to
her. From Anthony’s reflection, he was completely oblivious to her. She decided to take another one in case the
first one did not come out. This also
went off without discovery. She glanced
up and saw he was now standing by the door waiting to get off at the next
stop. She admired his profile from her
obscured spot. It was so Irish with the
high cheekbones and the ever so slightly upturned nose. The door to the train
opened and he stepped out onto the platform. He moved past the window she was
standing in front of and glanced up and looked right at her. For a moment, her
heart was pounding when she thought he saw her, but when he kept walking, she
exhaled heavily in relief. Thank god, she was in the clear.
She watched his back as he suddenly stopped and turned
around. It was something right out of a cartoon. He took a few steps towards
her and looked at her for a second like he was trying to figure out if it was really
her or not. They stood for a moment looking at each other through the glass. He
did not raise his hand in greeting and she did not move from her place. She was
barely conscious of the doors coming to a close. Thunk!
The near miss on the train set her heart back weeks. She
wished she had not seen him as now he was moving around inside her head again.
She was beginning to think she was turning into a obsessed lunatic. She felt
shamed every time she brought up his picture on her phone. It had come out a lot better than she had
expected and with a little editing, she was able to see those dazzling blue
eyes of his. She thought his shapely mouth was beautiful and she felt complete
and utter resentment for all the undeserving women who had been allowed to have
him. When she felt like this the fact
that he was a gigolo did enter into the argument at all. She could not have him
anyway so what did it matter. He became a vague and unattainable ideal that she
should just forget about.
Her phone buzzed one afternoon a few days later and she
fully expected it to be Petra, who was out sick today, checking up on her. She
pulled her phone out of her uniform pocket to read the text and was startled to
see it was Anthony.
I saw
you on the train on Saturday.
It wasn’t Petra. She sat down on the bed in the room she
was servicing. She had to. Her hands
were really shaking and she read the one line over and over. She didn’t answer,
at least not right away. She just did
not know what to say. She thought long and hard on whether she would even reply
at all. Later that afternoon, after much deliberation, she decided to get it
out of the way and reply. She decided to take the piss out of him a little bit.
Who
is this?
She had decided she could not exactly call him out as a
liar, nor did she want to. She just wanted to send the message that she was
growing weary of mystery and drama. Really,
there had been no lying and he had only avoided the question of his profession.
She had done this plenty of times in her life. She called the maneuver “not
volunteering too much” but it certainly could cause as much drama as a
lie. She wanted to start from the very beginning
and she thought, after everything, he needed to be, albeit very gently, put in
his place.
Anthony
He did not waste anytime answering. She wondered if he had
really been waiting for her to reply.
Hi
there!
Hello
How
have you been?
Fair. I’ve
had alot on my mind. Especially you.
Join the club, Hannah thought. She wanted to keep the
conversation mild. There was no reason for her to have an attitude with him.
This ought to be rich though. She could not wait to see what he had to say.
I
hope everything’s ok, she typed.
I’ve been meaning to talk to you about
what
happened with Brendan and spectacle at the
Harralton
Okay.
She had to smile at his choice of words, spectacle. She could hear him say it in
his charming way. It softened her desire
to have an attitude. All she wanted was honesty from him.
There was a long pause, but she could see he was typing.
Because I really like you, Hannah. I
wanted
to tell you about what I do, and not have
you
have to hear it from someone like Brendan.
I’m so sorry. That just was not right.
I
have no reason to judge what you do.
There was another pause. She did not want this to be the
end of it with him.
Is
your companion alright?
?
The lady you were with
at
the Harralton. Is she
okay?
Yes.
I’m sorry you had to see that.
As
long as everything turned out ok, I’m ok.
You did
not deserve that.
It was the last thing he said
to her.
Hannah read the conversation over and over, obsessing over
it, of course. She hated conversations like this where she did not have the
people in front of her where she could weigh body language and expression. So
much could be misconstrued with faceless words.
He seemed genuine in what he was saying. Not asking her for anything and
concerned that she may have been offended or hurt by it. In truth, the only
thing that offended her was the thought of nasty old, drunken Constance with
her hands all over him. And this was not necessarily offense, but more like stone
cold jealousy.
Mr. Crowden asked the housekeeping staff if they were
interested in working a banquet at the Harralton the following week, and Hannah
thought of accepting as it would be a welcome cash bonus that she really
needed. The event also kept her from sitting home and bemoaning her loneliness
and the myth that she had built up around Anthony. When Petra said she was
going to do it, Hannah decided to commit.
They went to an orientation the night before the banquet so Ms. Sharpe
could go over some protocol and special instructions. They were also provided with different
uniforms. These were a little more feminine and frillier than the usual black
and whites they wore, and they were encouraged to pay special attention to
their appearance. This meant that the
ladies were allowed to wear light cosmetics and pay special attention to their
hair.
The banquet was a very formal event and all the beautiful
gowns the women wore really excited Hannah. She had not even thought about this aspect of
the banquet, that it would be so visually pleasing.
She and Petra did a little of everything. They started by
walking around the crowd with flutes of champagne and hor’deurves and then
seating people at one of the twelve tables.
Each table sat about 12 people.
The staff was busy serving the first course when she
realized she was serving Constance.
Hannah could smell that she was already marinaded when she leaned down
to place her salad course in front of her. She smelled like White Shoulders and gin. Jesus Christ!
Was this woman ever sober? She looked
hard and tense and pointedly ignored Hannah to the point where Hannah knew she
was hyper aware of her. Of course, it
had been weeks ago that she had taken that spill, but you never know what a
drunk would remember. It was probably more about Hannah being the help than her
actually remembering her. Hannah made it a point to check out who Constance was
with and it was some really uptight looking older man. This must have been the husband.
Hannah could not imagine she would bring Anthony to a thing like this and with
her husband present.
A little old lady still had her long coat with her at the
table and was fussing with it when Hannah sweetly offered to put it in coat
check for her. The old lady, sweet and dingy, kindly thanked her and Hannah was
off to coat check. When Hannah turned around to go back to the banquet room she
saw Anthony at the registration counter. It looked like he was checking in.
He had his back to her so he did not see her. He was
dressed in a suit as usual and of course looked beautiful. It was all too much
for Hannah and she turned and hurried back to the ballroom. She continued her
work, in a distracted fog, as all she could think about was Anthony and
Constance. It made her sick and resentful.
After clearing the tables of the main course and serving coffee and
dessert to the guests, Hannah stole away to the lobby again. An acquaintance of hers who worked in
registration, Melinda, was working tonight. She thought she might persuade her
to tell her what room Anthony was staying in. She did not know what she would
do with that piece of information, she just wanted to know.
“Hey, my friend is staying here tonight, she whispered to
Melinda. But I don’t know what room he is staying in because he is not
answering his phone. Can you look it up for me?”
Melinda obliged without any question.
“The name’s McCabe,” Hannah whispered. She hoped this was
the name that room was registered under because she had no idea what
Constance’s last name was.
“He’s in 6030,” Melinda said suitably impressed. It was one
of the more expensive suites.
That must be their favorite room as they were always in it.
She was seething at the thought that he would be in that room alone with the nasty,
old bitch. And what in the hell were they going to do with the old man? She had a fairly inappropriate thought as to
how they would work that one out. Gross! She returned to the banquet room in a
truly foul mood.
“You ok?” Petra asked her as they managed to partner up to
distribute dessert. You don’t look good.”
“Stomach ache is all”, Hannah mumbled dismissively.
Dessert was being cleared, when a man with a wool coat over
his arm approached the table where the Prices sat. Constance’s husband was suddenly on his feet
shrugging on the coat.
“Always leaving me, Henry!” Constance joked sloppily. Henry
did not dignify her remark or even look in her direction.
But you won’t be alone, you disgusting old bag, Hannah
thought bitterly. You have a beautiful someone you can abuse upstairs. She
almost wished she could tell the old man what was going on, but Hannah would
not be a bit surprised if he already knew. Nothing surprised Hannah these days.
The little old lady of earlier beckoned to Hannah and asked
for her coat so she had to go back out to the lobby again.
She followed Henry and his assistant as she made her way to
coat check.
“Hannah, Anthony said quietly as he stepped up to her as
she waited for the coat check clerk to retrieve the old lady’s coat.
“Hello,” she said, trying to sound pleasantly surprised.
“Hello, he seemed pleased that she was pleased. It’s nice
to see you.”
“Likewise,” Hannah replied looking away unconsciously.
“So you’re working the reception tonight?”
“Yeah, it’s some nice overtime.”
“Grand.” He smiled, but it was a sad one. One of the sad
and a bit wonton kind of smiles.
“Well you look like a million bucks! She said trying to think
of something happy to dwell on. Are you working tonight too?”
“Aye.”
“I thought I saw your companion inside, Hannah replied. She
turned and nodded in the direction of Henry and his aide who was just exiting
the main lobby doors. Coast is clear!”
Anthony looked at them and then at her with a wry
expression that almost bordered on a smile.
“Oh my God, I need to shut the fuck up, she said,
rhetorically chewing herself out. Before I say something even more tactless!”
Anthony looked at her with surprise and stepped a little
closer. He smelled so good. He put his hand gently on her elbow and she
practically imploded with the rush it gave her. It was only her elbow for Godssakes.
“Let’s talk, he whispered gently to her. Is there somewhere we can go and speak
privately?”
“I’m so sorry I said that, she apologized, not hearing his
question. She looked at him for a moment and then burst into tears. The girl working coat check looked at him and
then at her with surprise. She handed Hannah the coat and retreated quickly back
into the coat room.
“Oh my God, I need to just get the fuck out of here,”
Hannah said again and tried to cover her face.
Anthony looked at her sadly and he stroked her elbow gently
with his thumb.
“I just wish it were me,” she said, continuing to babble
her stupid shit. She was crying all over this old lady’s coat but she didn’t
give a shit. She was clearly losing it.
Anthony’s eyes widened at what she said.
“Oh, Kitten, you deserve so much better, he whispered to
her. I couldn’t in good conscience take up with you. It wouldn’t be fair…….”
“I like you though,” she said simply.
“I like you too, Hannah, he said trying to comfort her, but
his sad, pained expression had a very different, silent tone to it. Very much.
But in all fairness, I’ve gone too far already.”
“I’d treat you like you deserve to be treated, not like a
dirty little secret.”
He continued to gently touch her elbow.
“Anthony!”
Constance was standing about 20 feet away and looking at
them with venomous disapproval. Anthony threw a contemptuous look in her
direction that set her back on her heels.
“Go!” Hannah whispered. She would not look at him and she
tried to pull away but he tightened his grip on her elbow a little and held on for
a moment longer.
“Hannah!” he said sadly as she finally pulled away and he
let go.
“What is the meaning of this?” Constance interrupted.
“Mind your own affair!” Hannah heard Anthony snap angrily as
she walked away. It was definitely a new tone of voice for him. A combustible mixture of sadness and anger. He was definitely not maintaining a low
profile as some nearby guests turned and looked at him.
The following morning in the pre-shift staff meeting, Mr.
Crowden and Ms. Sharpe commended staff on their successful service of the
banquet the night before, and promised them extra work as several events had
been scheduled for the future. As everyone was filing out of the staff room,
Ms. Sharpe called Hannah over.
“I’d like a word, dear,” she said in a neutral tone. She
gestured to Hannah to follow her to where they could talk privately.
Hannah’s hackles went up as she had the distinct impression
she was about to get a talking to. What the hell..?
“Hannah, dear, she said once the door to her office was
closed. I want to talk to you about something that happened last night. A guest
complained about an incident she witnessed in the lobby and she said you were
involved?”
Hannah kept her face neutral as she listened to this but
felt a bomb go off in her head. She knew exactly where this was going. Fucking
bitch, Constance! Hannah could not wait to hear this.
“Go on, you can tell me, dear,” She asked Hannah gently but
assertively.
“I’m not sure it could be called an incident, Hannah said
defending herself. I saw an old friend of mine and I guess I got a little more
emotional than I should have because I was so happy that I cried a little”
Ms. Sharpe regarded her
soberly for the most part but Hannah could see something flash across her eyes
when she said she cried.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, Hannah went on. I guess I just really miss
home and my family.”
“I see, Ms. Sharpe said breaking out into a slow, warm
smile. I’m only mentioning it to you because I was asked to. I’m familiar with
this guest who complained and she has a tendency to be very high maintenance
and a bit disrespectful towards staff. She wanted you fired over it, but I
certainly won’t do that. We have some integrity here at the Harralton, and we do
care about our own. Mr. Crowden is in complete agreement with me on this. I
just wanted you to know this happened and to encourage you to be more cognizant
in your dealings with guests. Know who you’re dealing with and conduct yourself
accordingly.”
“Yes, I’m sorry you had to hear about it at all, Mrs. Sharpe,
Hannah replied contritely. I promise it won’t happen again.”
She must have had a weird look on her face because Ms.
Sharpe unexpectedly reached out and touched her forearm gently.
“Oh dear, I like you and you’re a very hard worker. Don’t
let this add to your troubles. Mrs. Price is spoiled and bored, but we are not
going to allow one person to kill our good humour now, are we?”
“No, ma’am.”
“That’s a good girl, Ms. Sharpe said trying to be cheerful.
I’m sorry to hear you are homesick too, but it was nice that you got to see
your friend now, isn’t it?”
“It was, Hannah said giving her a small, tight smile. She almost felt like crying again. Very Nice.”
During her lunch hour, she tearfully told Petra what
happened with Mrs. Sharpe. They were
sitting in a burger joint down the street from the Harralton. Petra got really
mad.
“She’s crazy, rich bitch!” Petra said angrily and reaching
across the table and touching Hannah’s hand.
“Yeah, she is, Hannah replied. I’m just glad that I didn’t lose my job over
this.”
“Uh, yeah! Petra replied. Ms. Sharpe is a good lady.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, now should you stay away from Anthony, Petra said pointedly.
I said he is piece of shit before and now you see how much he is, drahousek!”
“Yeah.”
Hannah tried to look like she was taking Petra’s advice
seriously, but inside she knew she was furthering her passive aggressive
bullshit of nodding and doing whatever the hell she wanted anyway. She had his last words to her looping in her
head.
It’s
gone too far already. It just would not be fair to you.
It contained some honor about how things should be between
them which lent him some real credibility in her mind. He clearly respected her
which only made her want him more. She understood logically in her mind what he
meant. He would not be able to ensure his monogamy which clearly was not fair
to her. Hannah understood the reasoning
but, crazily enough, it only deepened her desire for him. The more he presented
as a true gentleman, the more painful the rift between them got. She had not
been wrong about there being a small something between them. This was not all one sided.
